When Anti-Bullying Becomes Bullying

April 2018

Berkeley Heights, NJ  Board of Education

To the members of the Board of Education, 

In ten years and through five children I have not once felt compelled to address the Board of Education. As an educator with thirty years experience I know that there are no perfect schools just as there are no perfect children, or teachers, or parents, but I do believe that the Berkeley Heights Public Schools do a very good job in navigating the complex process of educating our children. My children have had many wonderful moments of learning, and more often than not have felt that there are teachers and administrators who care about them and who are invested in their well-being. Of course there have been disappointments, poorly handled situations and on rare occasion a failure on the part of the school. Nevertheless, on balance both my husband and I appreciate the work of many good people and trust the direction of the school’s leadership. 

However, the recent consideration of the BHPSBOE of the Say Something Anonymous Reporting System (SSARS) compels me to share my concerns. Having worked with thousands of children as a schoolteacher, Head of School, and in private practice, my experience leads me to question both the particulars of the program itself, as well as the underlying assumptions that have lead the BOE to even consider a program in which the cost of potential tragedy outweighs any possible benefit. 

The anonymity of the reporting system, the level of professional expertise that would be required for responders to render a prognosis from afar, the confidentiality concerns and the final disposition of information collected by and disseminated to numerous people and parties as a tip goes through the system - these are all significant challenges and potential dangers of the program. 

Considering that there has been no change in the state report cards on violence and harassment for the BHPS, and considering that we continue to add levels of security to the school year after year - from SROs to increased HIB programs and Wellness programs, to participation in both community and national intervention and prevention programs, to school-specific programs run by the Student Assistance Counselor - it is incautious to consider an untested and unproven program that removes us as the locus of responsibility in the care of our children. 

There is always more that we can and should do for our children, however, it seems to me that SSARS is an attempt at a quick fix in place of doing the hard work that we -parents, educators and citizens - need to do together as part of our social contract. 

The potential for abuse for this program is incalculable. I have run this idea by a number of teenagers over the past few days, presenting it as a potential idea worthy of consideration. The kids immediately saw the potential for abuse. Anonymity discourages responsibility. For impulsive adolescents the possibility to turning this tool into an abusive system of Big-Brother revenge cannot be overlooked by anyone who 

has ever been a teen, raised a teen or met a teen! And the consequences of turning a child’s life inside-out are potentially tragic. The “See-Something Say-Something” campaign was intended to keep the public safe from public dangers. To imagine that we would ask children to peer over their desks at their classmates in order to ascertain who is depressed, has bulimia, is ditching school, drawing graffiti, planning a party (which is intention, not action) or any one of another listed “events’ that are on the same list as human-trafficking and homicide does not conform to anything we know about children. More so, it violates some of the most fundamental values of liberty, self-agency and privacy that we value as Americans. 

So allow me to suggest the following in place of SSRS: If we really want to help each other, if we acknowledge that everyone needs a little help in raising children, that it really does take a village and that the schools truly act in loco-parentis, then let’s do the real work we need to do. 

Instead of quick fixes, instead of encouraging anonymity, which is encouraging depersonalization, if we really want to help, we can become the safety-net system for our children. Perhaps we can create webs of caring through volunteers who promise to be available, from middle of the night rides to homes that can serve as temporary sanctuaries. Perhaps instead of putting our schools on lockdown, barring adults behind glass, we instead open our doors to the seniors and those with time and experience to create mentorships. Our children don’t need strangers looking out for them and I refute the idea that the Board of Education has either cause or authority to place our children in stranger-danger. 

A student who has a legitimate concern about another can make anonymous phone calls to numerous agencies that are known to them. But that power is checked by their knowledge that to knowingly make a false report has legal consequences. SSARS has no such built-in check on power. Furthermore, if children are not willing to publicly reach out for help for themselves or for a friend, they can always make an anonymous tip to school officials who are in a much better position to know extenuating circumstances and to respond quickly and appropriately. 

SSARS is well-meaning but it is in my opinion poorly conceived. Until such time as this program has been tried and proven in practice over a long enough period and across a large enough sample to demonstrate both its safety and effectiveness, I request that the BHPS BOE not continue to consider implementation of the SSARS program. 

Thank you for your attention and for all the work you invest in our children, 

Respectfully,

Helena Hadef

Director, Hadef Consulting